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Got any good motorcycle jokes?

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#21 ·
kind of humorous

A guy is standing at the pearly gates and St Peter says to him "I need you to tell me at least one good deed you did while on earth for someone."
The small frame man looked up at St Peter and begins "well there was this one time that I was walking past a bar and this group of very disturbing young men were being very mean to a nice young lady. Fearing that some physical harm could come to her I demanded that they leave her alone and go about theor business."
St Peter looks at the frail young man and says " well, that is certainly admirable, given your size and physique, just when did this deed take place?"
The little guy looks back to St Peter and says " oh about 5 minutes ago"
 
#22 ·
A trie story that actually happened....

Traffic cop notices car and turns on blue lights. Car pulls over into a big K Mart parking lot. Angry driver gets how and throws his radar detector across lot skipping and breaking into peices. He curses and says "I paid $250 for that @#$%^&* thing and it ain't worth a damn, cause you caught me anyway." The traffic cop replies..."But sir, I didn't stop you for speeding....I just wanted to tell you that your license plate was about to fall off!":thumbup:
 
#23 ·
A little 8 year old girl was walking home from school when a big guy on a motorcycle pulls up next to her.
"Hop on, and I'll give you a ride." says the biker.
"No." says the little girl.
Biker says "I'll give you ten dollars if you'll hop on and go for a ride."
"NO" shouts the little girl.
"OK, my last offer," says the biker. "twenty dollars and a big bag of candy if you'll get on and go for a ride."
"NO DAD" shouts the little girl. "I told you to buy the Harley, but you bought the Honda, so you just ride it yourself."

It was funny, my youngest daughter e-mailed me this joke, just after I traded my Harley for the Goldwing.
 
#24 ·
Mumbles and Grumpy a couple of old bikers had been on a Poker run. They went to too many bars and had too many beers. They stumbled out of the last bar and fell over their bikes. Mumbles says, "We better walk home." so they started tripping along the railroad track, Grumpy says, "It's a long way up these steps." Mumbles replies, " I don't mind the steps, the handrail is so low".... Cheers...:doorag:
 
#25 ·
designated lookout

The local law enforcement officer was parked outside a very popular watering hole patiently waiting for the next prospected DUI to leave the parking lot. It was getting near closing time and the parking lot was full of all kinds (no bashing here) of motorcycles. It wasn't long until this guy comes stumbling out of the bar and heads towards the bikes. The officer watched as this guy trips and stumbles across the parking lot, finally making his way to the parked bikes. He watches as the guy finally manages to get on a bike. The obvious victim fumbled with the keys for a while and after dropping them several times got off the bike and went to another. The anticts of the obviously drunk motorcylist had the full attention of the officer, so much so that he didn't even notice as the bar slowly emptied out and the bikes left in a calm and sober manner. This officer was going to make sure this drunk did not go down the road. After much more fumbling and stumbling the guy finally got on the bike and got it started. Now the lot was empty except for him. He fired up the bike, snugged up his helmet and proceeded to leave the parking lot. Immediately the officer pulled him over as soon as he pulled out of the lot and onto the street. The officer walks up to the guy and askes for the normal license and so forth. Amazingly the guy responded in a very calm and sobe tone and gave teh officer the requested info. The officer took a sniff of the guy, he didn't smell of alchohol. The oficer asked the guy to submit to a sobriety check, The biker complied without an argument. The biker passed it just fine. The officer asked the biker to submit to a breathalizer, again the biker agreed without argument. All attempts to prove this guy was drunk failed. Finally the officer asked the guy why he was having so much trouble in the parking lot but now seemed to be totally sober and coherent. The biker replied simply "oh, it is because tonight I got elected to be the designated decoy by the rest of the group"
 
#26 ·
Joke

There is a huge parking lot full of "Harley Davidson" motorcycles. In the middle of this Sea of "Harley Davidson's' sits a lonely "Honda Goldwing". What do you call the Goldwing? ......... "A ride Home"
 
#27 ·
Two motorcyclists were speeding through a little southern town and were pulled over by the local cop who arrested them and brought them before the judge. The judge was given their paper work and noticed that by the names that one of them was a man and the other a woman. Neither of them were particularly good looking people and because of the way they were dressed the judge couldn't tell which one was the boy and which was the girl. So he asked the defining question:

"Which one of you has a menstral cycle?", he asked. They both looked at each other and as it turned out the female biker pointed to her friend and said, "It must be him, 'cause I got a Honda".
 
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#29 ·
A little guy is sitting on the curb playing with a bottle of turpentine when a minister happens along. He asked the little guy what he was playing with. Upon hearing the reply of turpentine, he offers to trade him for a bottle of holy water. The little guy asked " What is that good for?" The minister replied "Put this on a woman's stomach and she will pass a baby." The little guys said " So what, if I put his on cat's ass, it will pass a motorcycle"
 
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#30 ·
I've been lurking around on this board for quite a while and I guess a joke thread is the perfect place to post my first post.


A biker came home from the road, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."

She looked a little confused, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."

This time she looked a little pissed, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second."

"That's it!" She blows her top, "are you crazy" ! You waltz in here, flop your fat butt down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The biker sighed. "Oh hell, it's started.
 
#32 ·
loren said:
i dont have any clean bike jokes

just a story about the 100th annivery in milwaukee

35000 bikes show up

1 million beers consumed

300,000 hot dogs and brats eaten

and 2 bars of soap used
Click to expand...
Geeezzz I heard all these except this one, I gota ride more
 
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#33 ·
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck ass naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best lay I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it and begged for more!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says...................

"Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk
Image
 
#34 ·
Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

I've been seeing the usual signs. The phone rings, but if I answer the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I stay awake to look out to see who is bringing her home, but she always walks down the drive. Usually I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car around the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't just going out with the girls?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk, screaming that I should never touch her phone again, and asking why I was checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my bike, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Abby, is this something I can fix myself or should I take it to the dealer for repair?

Thanks,

Concerned
 
#35 ·
3 hillbilly's walk in a restaurant and sit down, they start masturbating, the waitress comes by and ask's "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU GUY'S DOIN", they all point at the sign and said "IT SAY'S FIRST COME,FIRST SERVE".......
 
#37 ·
mountain money

A group of not so smart conterfiters screwed up and printed some 21 dollar bills. Perplexed they discussed what to do. The conclusion was reached that they would take the 21 dollar bills deep into the hill country and pass them off on the unsuspecting natives. They went into a small mountain trading post and struck up a conversation with the keeper. They started to leave and just before exiting they asked to old man if he could break a 21 dollar bill. Without missing a beat the old man said " sure can, you want 3 sevens or seven 3's?"
 
#38 ·
JoeyTuttle said:
While out on a ride with a buddy of mine, we stopped in this small town for lunch. A town with a strange name. While debating over how the name of the town was pronounced, we asked the lady behind the counter. “How do you pronounce it?” She asked, “Pronounce what?” “Where we are at?” my buddy asked… Her reply, “Daaa-irrry Queeeen!”
Click to expand...
I had the Exact Same thing happen on a road trip last month. Bad part is, not even the Waittress could pronounce "Natchitoches":22yikes:
 
#39 ·
A doctor, a lawyer and a biker are sitting around having drinks and talking. The doctor, after taking a sip of his martini, says his anniversary is comoing up, so he bought his wife a diamond ring and a Mercedes. "If she doesn't like the ring, I'm sure she'll love the Mercedes, and she'll know how much I love her." After taking a swallow of his scotch, the lawyer says, "I had an anniversary a few months ago, and I bought my wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bahamas. I wasn't sure if she'd like the necklace, but I had no doubt she'd love the trip, and she'd know just how much I love her. The biker, after chugging what was left of his beer, and shaking his head at the other two, says, "Hell, a bought my girlfriend a T-shirt and a vibrator. If she don't like the T-shirt, she can just go screw herself. Burp."
 
#40 ·
Short and Sweet from one of my T-shirts.

"Funny how you never see a motorcycle in a psychologist's parking lot."
 
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