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348 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This ode is not the Customer service our host offers but is fitting for one on my suppliers. Thanks Hal for being so customer friendly.

An Ode to Customer Service
by Jim Sterne

I have a little problem, so I call you on the phone I'm given numbered options - to punch them each by tone.

After hitting number 7, then 2, 8, 6 and pound A short recording tells me that no operators can be found.

They're busy helping others and would I hold this once?
Because my call is SO important. What am I? A dunce?

My call's not so important that I'll spend an hour on hold, While my shoulder aches, my patience bakes and my coffee grows green mold.

Nothing your recording says can cause me to believe That my call will be taken in the order it was received.

So down I put the telephone and up I pick the modem To find solutions on your site, and once found, download 'em.

I calmly wait while DNS looks up your URL Until your server answers your home page front door bell.

I wait for frames to paint themselves, my solution to begin.
And then I wait for plug-ins so I can see your logo spin.

I wait to get an audio file - greetings from your CEO He doesn't get the Internet, but he loves the radio.

I wait until a picture of your building is on my screen And I realize there are things that should not be heard nor seen.

Finally, there's a menu and I poise my mouse to click...
But first, a Java applet! "Starting Java." I know that won't be quick.

The menu choices indicate you know yourselves full well.
You know all about your company and that's what you want to tell.

But where's the button I can push, that takes me to the page That solves my problem? Feels my pain? And soothes my mounting rage?

There, in the lower corner, down by the copyright There's a little tiny icon that looks as if it might

Be a link to customer service. My troubles soon will quit!
I click upon it and I get... a 404... Oh, sugar.

And when I finally reach that page that promises relief.
I'm staring at a document that's far beyond belief.

For where there should be answers to frequently asked questions And online help and knowledge-bases, is naught but indigestion.
For there in type italics, underlined and bold Is the number for your help desk phone.

I should have stayed on hold.

[Jim Sterne is an international consultant and author of four books on using the Internet for advertising, marketing and customer service.]

605 Posts
Boy! If that does not say it all. "please stay on the line your call is important to us" My favorite is credit card companies. I almost broke my phone the last time when I slammed my receiver down :a13:

Ode to Customer Service

Good one!! Sad but true. I call it "The Customer Avoidance System". Same with their web sites. They put the "Contact Us" button in the most obscure places, if you can find it at all. I try to avoid doing business with these companies as much as possible. Unfortunately, I can't bypass them all.
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