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Squating Member
7,056 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·

When you arrive on your Goldwing ( see, it's on topic) :biker:

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see
carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. it's rare. You can't

find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it
has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn
into an
eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.

Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or

whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control

your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is
time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table

while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like

frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position

yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before

becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of
If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or
you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have

three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some


10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips;

start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this

motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in

sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn
and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a great holiday season! :xmas1:

4,934 Posts
Now those are all tips to live by.
Especially about the eggnog, I'm working on my third quart already. :D

3,305 Posts
THAT got posted to my family - I'll bet Bulldog would even buy into this one!

Mesquite Bob

212 Posts
I LIKE fruitcake. But then, I'm a Nutt anyway...

3,033 Posts
Such is the Gospel of KYBLUE.
Take heed, oh you of little faith.
For I have seen the Christmas Buffet
And it is Awesome to behold.
Partake unto and beyond your limits
For you shall be given this opportunity
but once in this holiest of seasons

Darn KYBLUE, I gotta print this one and send it
to the relatives. It's gonna give credence to my
actions over all these years and all these family feeds.
VINDICATION at last! :lol: :lol: :lol:

3,349 Posts
:yes: :beer2: :eat2: :eat1: :beer3: :yes:

And why is it that you can only get Eggnog this time of year, I guess it does make it all the more special though..... And if it was availible all year long I would be the next Saint Nick for sure...
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