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2,740 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·

I had to start this as a ridin' thing as not to annoy the wrong folks but this is great to share:

I haven't spent a lot of time in California, but I suspect there are some true statements listed below.......


So as not to be outdone by all the *******, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, somebody had to come up with this, you know you're from California if:

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

5. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

13. You can't remember . . .is pot illegal?

14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."

15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.

16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons.

19. The Terminator is your governor.

20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

Plus the smart folks own motorcycles and leave the populated quickly to go ride out in the smaller towns and fun roads. :wink: 8)

713 Posts
Sneaky Dave. Real Sneaky :D :D :D

2,740 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·

I gradeated with a Minor in the art of Sneaky from Ol' Wynford High School. I was the best never caught and have no documentation to support it but only once in 4 years did I get some extra time off for gettin' caught havin' fun while Lynyrd Skynyrd jammed in the background. :wink: :roll: :lol:
Nevada was too much fun back then, we didn't need no stinkin' speed limits and oregano was growin' everywhere. :wink:

4,382 Posts
O.K., on 17. The answer is...sort of.
Since it causes less that 1% of the problems associated with alcohol, the locals tend to look the other way.
It's only when the Feds decide to shake their manhood at us that people get arrested for it.

5,541 Posts
California Jokes

California: By age 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda Goldwing.

Dumb California Laws

Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
Bathhouses are against the law.
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
Women may not drive in a house coat.
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
Many animals are illegal to own as pets, including snails, sloths, and elephants.
In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are treated under the same guidelines as cats and dogs.

Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.

You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit. (My 19 year old just got a ticket for this last month...)

Baldwin Park
Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.

City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."

You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.

It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds.

Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor)
Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits.

Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine.

It is illegal to wash your car in the street. (Passed 1995).

It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.

You are forbidden to spit on the ground within 5 feet of another person.

It is illegal to own or sell "Silly String".

It is illegal to posses, own or raise roosters. This is considered disturbing the peace.

Long Beach
Cars are the only item allowed in a garage.
It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.

Los Angeles
It is illegal for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent.
You cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
You may not hunt moths under a street light.
It is illegal to cry on the witness stand.
Toads may not be licked.
It is a crime for dogs to mate within 500 yards of a church. Breaking this law is punishable by a fine of $500 and/or six months in prison.
Zoot suits are prohibited.

Roosters may not crow in the city limits.

Pacific Grove
Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.

Palm Springs
It is illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive between the hours of four and six PM.

It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss. (I'll have to warn the secretaries here at work).

Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same house.

Motor vehicles may not drive on city streets unless a man with a lantern is wallking ahead of it.

One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock.

San Diego
It is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar.
The owners of houses with Christmas lights on them past February second may be fined up to $250.

San Francisco
Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash.
It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear.
Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.
It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.

San Jose
It is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs. -Ord. 7.08.595

Santa Monica
You may not play percussion instruments on the beach.

Ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California St. at all times.

2,740 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·

Glad ya added to the fun, I figured someone would get offended, I'd get reprimanded and the thread deleted for bein' crass and un-PC. :wink:
There are more fun lovin' un-PC folks lurkin' around and I'm glad for it, it's a tough job but I stick by my guns at every turn. :wink: :lol: 8)

4,863 Posts
I haven't spent a lot of time in California, but I suspect there are some true statements listed below.......
Ahhhh, but the motorcycle roads and scenery are some of the best you are going to find and enjoy anywhere in the world.....


P.S. I was transferred here to Northern California 35 years ago and initially had every intension of moving back home, but after a year and a half I was hooked, and have been happily here ever since. I have to say the GL1800 has really acquainted me with a lot of places in this state I had never been to or even heard of, and all I can say is WOW, ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!!

547 Posts
I agree with DaleC. I've been in San Diego for less than two years after spending my entire life in the Pacific Northwest, and had every intention of getting back up to the Seattle area as soon as possible. But I'm hooked now, and love it down here.
Some/many of the statements made in the previous posts are true, by the way.
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